ONE MOON

Jan 10
onlinegf:

STRAIGHT WHITE BOYS I SWEAR TO GOD

onlinegf:

STRAIGHT WHITE BOYS I SWEAR TO GOD

(via kaepop)


“Things that matter are not easy. Feelings of happiness are easy. Happiness is not. Flirting is easy. Love is not. Saying you’re friends is easy. Being friends is not.” David Levithan (via hellanne)

(via kaepop)


Dec 3

“Sometimes people don’t want to hear the truth because they don’t want their illusions destroyed.” Friedrich Nietzsche (via accolapierce)

(via blake-crawford)


Nov 29

becausemagichappens:

weirdnessloveandscifi:

bohemian-napsody:

very fucking punny you shits

teeth

I’m going to use the water joke.

(via b2utylovesbeast)




“One. Do not promise when you’re happy.
Two. When you are angry, do not respond.
Three. Do not decide when you’re sad.”
Wisdom  (via fawun)

(via puteriathirah)


colbi-wankenobi:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes

I didn’t even make it past the first one without bursting into laughter. I would be terrible at this job

colbi-wankenobi:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes

I didn’t even make it past the first one without bursting into laughter. I would be terrible at this job

(via adlinowhut)


Nov 28
ding-ang-bato:

People always have this idea that once a boy and a girl sleep on the same bed, something happened between the sheets. They say that boys will always be boys, and that it’s too hard for them to control themselves and most of the times it’ll lead to something sexual. But it’s not always like that. Isn’t it wonderful to think that these two people just sleep together, nothing more and nothing less, with no sex involved? Isn’t it nice to think that they didn’t do anything dirty, they just love to feel each other’s body heat and get lost in the sensations as their feet brush together? Isn’t it amazing to think that two people can just lay in bed together, just laying in bed, and the only thing they did is to talk about things until they fall asleep?
Physical satisfaction could actually be great. But sometimes, you don’t have to go overboard for you to be satisfied. As simple as sleeping together, that actually rocks. Enveloping yourself under the same blanket  wherein you can smell their breathe and hear their heartbeat, I guess it can still give you the same chills just like in lovemaking. Though there are no physical things involved, your body so close with each other is enough. That’s more than enough. Sleeping together without any sexual contacts involved, well that’s one in a million. And it’s beautiful.

ding-ang-bato:

People always have this idea that once a boy and a girl sleep on the same bed, something happened between the sheets. They say that boys will always be boys, and that it’s too hard for them to control themselves and most of the times it’ll lead to something sexual. But it’s not always like that. Isn’t it wonderful to think that these two people just sleep together, nothing more and nothing less, with no sex involved? Isn’t it nice to think that they didn’t do anything dirty, they just love to feel each other’s body heat and get lost in the sensations as their feet brush together? Isn’t it amazing to think that two people can just lay in bed together, just laying in bed, and the only thing they did is to talk about things until they fall asleep?

Physical satisfaction could actually be great. But sometimes, you don’t have to go overboard for you to be satisfied. As simple as sleeping together, that actually rocks. Enveloping yourself under the same blanket  wherein you can smell their breathe and hear their heartbeat, I guess it can still give you the same chills just like in lovemaking. Though there are no physical things involved, your body so close with each other is enough. That’s more than enough. Sleeping together without any sexual contacts involved, well that’s one in a million. And it’s beautiful.

(via ma-toki)


countsassula:

i love getting kissed on the forehead so much it’s like they’re saying “hey i’m gonna show you affection but i’m not trying to get anything out of this, i just want you to feel happy” 

(via b2utylovesbeast)


helloootricksterr:

cannibalismisdandy:

beinggayisokay:

screwsociety:

you know girls can tell when you look at their boobs

i don’t care how quickly you glance, 1 second is like 5 seconds in boob time

boob time

"Where are we going next, Doctor?" 

"Boob Time."

land of the time titties 

(via sugarcream)


maritzac:

what boxes

maritzac:

what boxes

(via sugarcream)


mishasminions:

freakshow1313:

knightarcana:

vantasticmess:

amiyumiyumia:

[DECORATING INTENSIFIES]

I HAVE BEEN WAITING A WHOLE YEAR TO PUT THIS ON MY  BLOG

I GOT A STOMACHACHE FROM EATIN’ ALL THEM COOKIES
BUT GUESS WHAT (WHAT?)
I GOT MORE COOKIES!!

IM SO GLAD THIS IS FINALLY HERE AGAIN

*VIOLENTLY DECORATES*

(via sugarcream)


“I get jealous because I’m afraid someone is going to make you happier than I do.” Frank Ocean  (via loveknowsnodistancee)

(via puteriathirah)


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